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The “Get Fat Quick” Plan-7 Steps You Don’t Want To Follow

By Dean Carlson

As a physical preparation coach, I sometimes get into discussions with my friends or family regarding nutrition and weight loss. While I always enjoy talking “shop” and want to help as many people as I can live a healthier lifestyle, it didn’t take too many of these conversations to figure out this truth; while a lot of people say they want to lose weight, not many people want to do what it takes. This is probably not earth-shattering news, but as obesity levels and preventable disease rise at a seemingly uncontrollable pace, it is frustrating.

Here’s the scenario - Friend asks “I want to lose 10 lbs of bodyfat, what should I do?” I say “Eat lean protein and vegetables with every meal” He replies “I don’t like vegetables, what else can I do?” I can see we are off to a rousing start. I make the following suggestion “Ok, let’s start slowly; make sure you eat a good breakfast, including lean protein and complex carbs, every day. Nothing else, just that.” He tells me “That would be pretty tough, I usually run out the door and grab a coffee and bagel on the way to work.” I suggest “Why don’t you get up 30 minutes earlier and have a cup of coffee while you make a nice veggie omelet?” He retorts “Are you crazy? I’m usually up late unwinding and watching the tube, I have to relax sometime! I’d be toast all day if I got up earlier.” And round and round we go…

You know what? I decided it would take less time and serve more people if instead of nutrition and exercise plans I just wrote a “get fat quick” plan. Since most of the “talkers” seem do the opposite of what I suggest, maybe a little reverse psychology is in order.

So after long periods of development and tested by hundreds of thousands of people, here it is!

  1. Under no circumstances eat breakfast. If you have to eat something, make sure it has the words “swiss double mocha” or “creme filling” in the ingredients.

  2. Don’t prepare your food ahead of time. It is much more efficient to go down the block and grab a double cheeseburger and a large order of fries than to bring a healthy bag lunch. And don’t walk to the burger joint; drive.

  3. Drink large amounts of soda, and not that wimpy diet stuff either. The sugar and caffeine will give you the “edge” you need to get throught the day. If you start getting tired, just drink another one.

  4. If you absolutely are convinced you need to eat vegetables, make sure you eat corn and potatoes, and don’t skimp on the butter. Better yet, stick with onion rings and french fries. You can’t be too careful!

  5. Make sure you eat a big dinner, preferably pasta or pizza. It’s a long way to the next “swiss double mocha”.

  6. Try to get at least 3-4 hours of quality time in front of the television. Put a channel block on any station that in any way might motivate you to exercise. Don’t forget the bag of chips.

  7. Aim for no more than 5-6 hours of sleep a night. This does a couple things; it makes it less likely you will have the energy to workout, and poor sleep habits are great for packing on the pounds!

So there you go, seven quality tips to get fat and stay fat.

I wonder which is easier, getting up 30 minutes earlier, or rehabbing from quadruple bypass? I hope you never have to find out the hard way.

About the Author:

Dean Carlson is a certified personal trainer located in Concord, NH. His website is http://www.cr8health.com